you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
