I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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