OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
