just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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