Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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