Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
