in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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