There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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