i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
