onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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