I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
