Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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