Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just pee around me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
