There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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