She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
