I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We need a shit load of segways right now
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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