Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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