i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
