it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
