oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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