Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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