just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
