a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
