I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize