How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
