Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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