At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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