U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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