And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
