I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
