so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
