so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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