Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Boobs are out for the taking
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
