I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
