He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
