How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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