I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
