I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
