it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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