And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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