I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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