you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
