Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
