Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
