Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
