her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
