take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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