Your tits are I can't wait for
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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