dude i'm inner monologue high
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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