Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
