all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
