Nicole vs. Life
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
