my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
