WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
