Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
