I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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