DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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