I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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