I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
