just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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