So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
