Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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