The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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