my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
