Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
