2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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