I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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