About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think my vagina is haunted
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
