nut hugger
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
