Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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