lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
its liver damage thursday
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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