Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize