Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize