Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
