Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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