eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
