where am i from again
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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