Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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